At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
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