Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Did I show you my penis last night?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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