Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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