So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
