I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
