doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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