You just made me feel so damn special
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
