The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
