nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
