i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
