Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
