There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
