That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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