Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
