is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
