You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
