how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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