if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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