five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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