I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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