I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
