I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
