I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
