Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize