My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
