So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
