At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
