i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
