Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
