it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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