where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Randomize
