I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
