I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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