i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
