i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
