So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
