Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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