booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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