a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
