He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
