I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
