you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
not ubering you a puppy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
