Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
