it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
