just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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