This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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