I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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