dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
