great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Randomize
