I just saw a hot homeless man
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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