so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
