if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
