fuck your aforementioned shoe
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize