You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
