Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
