I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
