he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
