Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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