my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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