You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
