I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
