I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
should my penis look like a turkey
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
