The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
