please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
