i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
