Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i dont even know how to be here
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
