Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
