is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
