Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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