literally had 100 drinks last night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
