wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize