I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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