yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So vagazzling was a success
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
