In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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